My short story A facade called “dream life”
By my early thirties I had achieved everything society calls success. On the surface I was living the dream life, with every box ticked:
- Marriage and children, an outwardly perfect family life.
- A top-executive position and high social status.
- A luxury home and an Audi Q7 in the driveway.
- Financial freedom within reach and material security.
- Recognition as a drummer (Drum Machine) and self-expression on big stages.
Behind that polished facade lay a world of crushing emptiness and constant anxiety. Despite all the achievement, a relentless feeling followed me — that I am not enough as I am.
That inner insecurity drove me into a hamster wheel where I always needed more: more to do, more to prove, more to achieve. I owned everything I had ever wanted, yet I didn't feel a moment of true peace. I was a prisoner of my own achievements and expectations — an inner conflict that destroyed me from within.
When the facade crumbles
That inner pressure couldn't go without consequence. At some point the facade started to crumble and then completely collapsed. I didn't just lose things — I lost control of my life:
- Loss of work and status.
- Collapse of the investment portfolio and a financial crash.
- Divorce and the challenges of being a single father.
- Health issues and repeated surgeries.
- A broken relationship with my mother and 8 months of silence.
- Loss of meaning in life and suicidal thoughts.
I was alone in the rubble, and broken.
Years of searching
A desperate hunt for solutions began. I wanted to “fix” myself at any cost, and I tried everything the modern world and alternative paths offered. I hoped that someone or something outside me would put me back together:
- Psychological help — therapies, psychologists, antidepressants and esketamine treatment.
- Alternative experiences — journeys with psychedelics and substance use.
- Spiritual practices — deep body work, the tantra world, countless trainings.
- The search through relationships — short relationships, open relationships, polyamorous triangles.
- Travel — in my busiest year I made 16 trips.
- Diving (Dive Master) — over 400 dives and extremes including ice diving.
I gathered enormous experience and knowledge, but my inner setup did not change. I knew everything in theory, while the old patterns kept me imprisoned.
Action without fear, a radical turn
The lowest point of my journey arrived on the living-room couch. I had spent two months in complete isolation, avoiding the world, abusing cannabis and mushrooms, fleeing reality. It was a period where there was nowhere left to fall. And in the middle of that complete darkness something unexpected was finally born — the decision to live.
I realised that since I had nothing left to lose, I had nothing left to fear. I started making radical decisions and acting overnight:
- Selling the house and letting go of the broken family home.
- Systemic therapy, through which I reached Dr. Joe Dispenza's “Rewired” work and the method of changing the biological setup.
- Three months in Asia — I went travelling alone to learn how to be with myself. There the final understanding landed: how to actually and lastingly apply the “Rewired” knowledge in my life.
- The Camino de Santiago — 800 kilometres on foot, time with myself, and the daily application of the “Rewired” knowledge.
These steps were no longer flight — they were conscious action. I had finally cracked the code that had kept me imprisoned for decades, and I discovered the art of living that I call Dreamlife today.
Dreamlife: a life without a facade
Today my life has changed beyond recognition, but this time not on the outside — on the inside. I no longer live in constant survival mode, nor seek fulfilment from things outside myself. Dreamlife is no longer a luxurious facade for me, but a deep inner state and freedom:
I no longer need to “fix” myself, because I have finally accepted myself exactly as I am. And I love this cool character!
I have cracked the code that lets me live fully, in peace and presence. This is the art of living — the biological setup — that I share today, because everyone deserves a life worth living.
DM — Dreamlife Mentor
Four interconnected gears.
Reaching a full — that is, Dreamlife — life takes the balance of four levels: Sleep (the largest disc and the foundation), Mind, Body and Spirit. If one gear jams, the whole system stops.
Want to read my unvarnished journey from discovering my inner children to the birth of the Dreamlife Mentor?
~20–30 minutes of reading